I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
