we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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