he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
