The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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