This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
