take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Pants are for mortals
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