Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
