Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
