you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
