Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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