I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
