Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
