No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
