I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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