I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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