are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
