You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
