I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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