I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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