so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
