I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
