I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Drunk is not a location!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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