Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
