Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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