Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
