Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
