She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
