guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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