is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
