tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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