the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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