she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize