do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
