It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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