I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
