dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just had sex bonerless
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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