She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
