So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
