last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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