oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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