haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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