Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
