I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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