Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
