there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
