She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
