I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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