its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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