I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
