Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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