My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
