found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I want her autograph on my taint
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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