She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
