This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
