what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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