once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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