Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
