That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I lost the right to judge tonight
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
