You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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