just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize