Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
