dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
