will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
