What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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