This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
