I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
