bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
