So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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