I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
