He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
