woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
