It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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