I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I will pee on everything he values.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
