I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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