do herpes really smell.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Two words: blizzard sex
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
