dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
